What To Say When Someone Loses a Pet

The pain of losing a pet cuts deeply. You feel as if the birds should take pause from their chirping—who could sing in a moment like this?—and wish for nothing more than to hold your pet one more time.

If you’ve lost a pet, you know this unique pain—but even if you haven’t, you can still recognize how much support someone may need when their furry friend crosses the rainbow bridge. Knowing what to say when someone loses a pet can help ease the sadness.

Many people view their pet as not just an animal companion but also as a member of their family, says Julie Shaw, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker who has a certificate in veterinary social work.

“Their pet has most likely been a constant companion that has provided them with unconditional love and comfort for many, many years,” she says. “So, when their pet passes away, they’re losing a beloved family member.”

Offering comforting words when someone’s going through the grieving process can go a long way. You can do this by reaching out via text, sending a condolence card, giving them a call, or responding to a post on social media.

Here are some phrases you can use:

• I’m so sorry for this tremendous loss.
• Your bond was undeniable. I know how much they meant to you.
• I’m so sorry you’re going through this pain. They were truly one of a kind.
• I’m so glad they were able to have such a beautiful life with you.
• You were so lucky to have each other.
• I wish I had the right words, but just know I’m thinking of you and [Pet’s name].
• I loved seeing your pictures and adventures together over the years.
• [Pet] was a legend—they’ll never be forgotten.
• I’d love to hear some stories about [Pet] if you’re up for sharing.
• Remember that time when … (happy memory about the pet if you knew them).
• You truly gave [Pet] the best life.
• If the pet was euthanized: I’m so sorry you had to make that difficult decision. You did the right thing.
• They were the [silliest/sweetest/most adorable] pet.
• I just wanted to check in to see how you were doing.
• I’m here for whatever you need.

Speaking to a child about the loss of a pet differs depending on their age, Shaw says. However, it’s important—no matter their age—that parents share and discuss their emotions.

“They need to know it’s OK to feel sad, angry, or whatever emotion they’re feeling with this loss,” Shaw says. “Always listen when your child is upset about the loss, and try to answer their questions the best and most honest you can.”

Here are some things you can say to a child who’s grieving from the loss of their pet.

• It’s OK to feel sad or cry. [Pet’s name] was your best friend, and it’s normal to miss them.
• Even though [Pet] isn’t here, we can always remember the good times you had together.
• You gave them so much love, and they were really happy to be with you.
• Pets don’t live as long as people, but [Pet’s name] had a great life with you.
• Whenever you miss [Pet’s name], you can talk to me about them.
• [Pet’s name] will always be in your heart.
• It’s OK if you don’t want to talk right now. We can talk whenever you’re ready.
• You gave [Pet] a lot of happiness, and that’s something special.
• Pets are like best friends, and it’s normal to feel sad when they’re gone.
• You’re not alone. I’m here to help you feel better whenever you need.

When it comes to young children, “it’s important to be transparent, avoid euphemisms, and call it what it is,” says Jamie Cohen, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker at the Schwarzman Animal Medical Center. This means avoiding using phrases like “put to sleep.”

“It should be ‘Fluffy died’ and not ‘Fluffy was put to sleep,’ ‘Fluffy went on vacation,’ or ‘Fluffy left us,'” she says.

“Using euphemisms when speaking with children about death can create lots of confusion, cause lots of worry, lead to self-blame, and make grieving harder,” Cohen says.

There are also great books to read to your child on pet loss and grief for all ages, and sometimes it helps to create a pet memorial with your child honoring the pet. Some examples are making a picture collage, spreading their ashes, or drawing pictures.

Even though you wouldn’t intentionally say something hurtful to someone going through the difficult time of pet loss, there are certain phrases that can sting a little bit. It’s best to avoid dismissive language, minimizing of feelings, or out-of-touch clichés.

“People who don’t have pets may often have a hard time understanding how strong the bond is,” says Sandra Grossman, PhD, a pet loss and bereavement counselor and co-founder of Pet Loss Partners.

Plus, grief makes some people uncomfortable: “They may have never experienced grief, or they just don’t know how to help,” Grossman says.

When in doubt, here’s what not to say when someone loses a pet:

• It’s just a dog/cat/type of pet who died.
• When are you going to get a new pet?
• Don’t you think it’s time to move on?
• Well, now you’ll have more free time/won’t have to clean the litter box/etc.
• They’re in a better place.
• Time heals all wounds.
• It was their time to go.
• You need to stay strong.
• It’s just part of life.
• You’ll get over it/feel better soon.

Along with comforting words, consider these helpful gestures and acts of kindness that can offer support during this tough time.

“Anything that is in remembrance of the pet is thoughtful and demonstrates that you care,” Cohen says. “And if money is tight, you can also do something that will be helpful.”

Here are some ways you can help beyond words:

• Gift them a keepsake box or shadowbox so they can hold onto anything that is special to them as a reminder of their beloved pet, like a leash, collar, favorite toy, and pet tag.
• Gift them a personalized memorial necklace with their pet’s name.
• Gift them a painted rock with their pet’s name that they can keep in the garden.
• Offer to take a walk with them to their pet’s favorite spots.
• Send a pet sympathy card and/or flowers.
• Donate to a charity, or shelter or rescue organization, in the pet’s name.
• Frame a photo of the pet for your friend.
• Help plan a memorial service.
• Ask if you can help with specific tasks, like cleaning up or picking up groceries from the store.
• Bring over a home-cooked meal.
• Offer to spread their pet’s ashes with them.

Even when we say and do the right things, Grossman says one of the hardest things for people to comprehend about grief is that it’s not linear.

“People get caught up in the stages of grief, but there are no boundaries,” she says. “Unfortunately, there’s nothing chronological about grief.”

Here are more pet loss and memorial resources for pet parents and family.

Expert input provided by Julie Shaw, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker with a certificate in veterinary social work based in Northbrook, Illinois; Jamie Cohen, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker at the Schwarzman Animal Medical Center in New York City; and Sandra Grossman, Ph., a pet loss and bereavement counselor in Princeton, New Jersey.